On being a beginner

FIRST PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH
LAKE CRYSTAL, MINNESOTA
ANNUAL REPORT 2010

REFLECTIONS FROM THE PASTOR: PRAYER AND LEARNING TO PRAY

According to my favorite pastor of pastors, Eugene Peterson, the local church pastor has three basic jobs: to Listen, to Preach, and to Pray (and teach people to pray). For a talker like me, I sometimes wonder if listening might not be the most challenging of the three. Yet I know I’m a better listener than I was six and a half years ago. And as for preaching, I hope I’m growing – maturing, speaking words which “ring true” more often, incorporating more of what I “hear” in the word and “hear” in the Word and helping us all figure out where the truths of our lives and the Truth of God’s Word intersect. But, praying… I wonder sometimes.

Thomas Merton said something along these lines: In prayer we are always only beginners.

That means many different things to me.

For one thing, it means that no matter how often I lead prayers in worship, no matter how many prayers I adapt from others or write “from scratch” or pray “off-the-cuff,” no matter how many confirmation classes or Bible classes I open with prayer, no matter how many prayers I say while on a walk, I will always only be a beginner in prayer. And I need you to know that. I am called to teach people to pray, but I am a beginner in prayer, and always will be.

Another thing about “being-a-beginner” relates to my personal prayer life and, when I think about it, it is very encouraging. To me, it means that I ought to forgive myself for falling short of lofty goals and self-imposed expectations in the discipline of morning and evening prayer. You see, there have been seasons in my life when, by God’s grace, I have been able to spend significant periods of time in prayer. But there have also been seasons where, no matter how hard I try to “just do it,” I just cannot seem to “find the time” or to “keep the discipline.” It seems to be something akin to the training schedule of a marathon runner. From what I have read, long-distance runners sometimes go through periods in their training when their legs feel heavy, when they battle injury, when they are not able to train as hard. Nevertheless, they keep running. At least a little. And the previous training carries them through. They listen to their body and, when they are able, when their body says “it’s OK now,” then (and only then) do they return to the rigorous training schedule. And if they find themselves out of shape, they return to the long distances little-by-little. For me, the practice of prayer is like that. A lot like that!

Finally, when I realize once again that I am always and only a beginner in Prayer, I realize too that maybe, just maybe, I am a beginner in Listening and Preaching too. And always will be.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit…”

Ah, yes. The light bulb comes on. Thank you, Jesus.

When I acknowledge being just a beginner in Listening, in Preaching, in Prayer… and, just a beginner in following Jesus day by day… then I am empty… and can be filled by the Holy Spirit… a fallible, fragile, but fully-functional earthen vessel filled with the priceless treasure of Grace.


Glad to be on the journey with you,
Rev. Randal K. Lubbers, Pastor & Teacher