January 2012 Newsletter Excerpts

Beginnings
Happy New Year! Whether you’re one who regularly makes a Resolution (or four?) to start the New Year, or one who just glides blissfully into the New Year, or somewhere in-between, my hope and prayer is for Christ to be your all-in-all in 2012. I wish you happiness and health and prosperity, too. But way, way higher up on the ladder of priority, I pray for Christ to invade every nook and cranny of your life in 2012. May Christ be Beginning and End in your life and in our church.
Beginning on our knees
Is there a better way to start the New Year than on our knees in prayer? I don’t think so. A wise man once said, “Every day is a new life.” As followers of Jesus the Anointed One of God we live in the reality of the resurrection. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17). Everything is brand new! Brennan Manning, reflecting on Christ’s words about “entering the kingdom of God as a little child,” says this means forgetting the past—living only in the present reality of being loved to the uttermost by God. Yet, the psalmist often reminds us of the importance of remembering:
Lord, you have been our dwelling place
throughout all generations.
Before the mountains were born
or you brought forth the whole world,
from everlasting to everlasting you are God.
(Psalm 90:1-2)
On New Year’s Day, let’s do both. Let’s recall once again that our God has been our help in ages past, let’s give thanks for the reality of the resurrection—remember, every Lord’s Day is a celebration of Easter—and let’s praise God who is our only comfort and hope for the year to come. See you at worship at 9:30 on Sunday morning, January 1.

Conflict and Collaboration

A conflict-free congregation is incongruent not only with reality but even more with biblical theology. Jesus upset many people emotionally. The life of Jesus takes place against a backdrop of suspicion, opposition, and crucifixion. The Christian story is underlined with conflict.
~ Peter L. Steinke

Conflict is normal and natural and to be expected in any organization, even in—yes, especially in the church. Because we are generally peace-loving people, there is a great temptation to “avoid conflict at all costs.” This temptation is actually more dangerous to the health of the church than the conflict/disagreement itself. Peter Steinke, an expert in family systems and congregational health, points out that pastors (and sessions, I’m guessing) are usually much better at “avoidance,” “accommodation,” and “compromise” than at the more proactive behaviors, specifically, “assertiveness” and “collaboration.”

Disagreements, especially in the church, make people anxious. Quite naturally, we want the anxiety to go away. So, too often, we avoid the conflict, we pretend it doesn’t exist, or we do “whatever it takes” to make the conflict and the anxiety “Just-Go-Away-Now!”

When I worked with the chaplains at Iowa Lutheran Hospital during the summer prior to my last year in seminary, the hospital had signs in almost every hallway expressing their “CORE values” with a picture of an apple core and “CORE” as an acronym for Compassion, Openness, Respect, and Excellence. To this day I often recall those four “CORE values.” These values of compassion, openness, respect, and excellence make sense for my own life—I try to apply them. I am sure they make a lot of sense for a church family, too.

Conflict in a church family is not unhealthy when we share varying viewpoints with openness, listen to each others' ideas with respect, and make every effort to understand where the “other side” is coming from with compassion and love. Some degree of anxiety in the midst of conflict is normal, and anxiety is not inherently bad or unhealthy, as long as leaders continue to respond to the anxiety rather than to react to the anxiety. There is a big difference.

Collaboration is a proactive response to disagreement/conflict/anxiety.

Collaboration empowers those folks offering new ideas, persons willing to listen, and members with unique perspectives. Collaboration calls forth the gifts and graces of the Spirit. In contrast, avoidance often results in greater anxiety and a lack of understanding of the other perspective; and accommodation often empowers only a few people. Collaboration is, of course, impossible without openness.

Case Study: Mr. A tells Mr. B (a session member) that he’s dislikes donuts at coffee-time and thinks we should serve nothing but fresh fruit; and further, that if it doesn’t change soon, he’ll… do something drastic (you can fill in the specifics); and further, he says, lots of people agree with him; and further, Mr. A tells Mr. B that he expects him to share his views (and perhaps even his threats) with the session, but, of course, not his name.

Do you see how, if the session were to react to the anonymous Mr. A, then the church would really be giving power (“empowering”) the unhealthy (violent, really) behavior of the anonymous donut-hater? This is not to say that Mr. A might not have a good point about the healthiness of fruit vs. donuts. But a healthy church family system cannot reward unhealthy behaviors and expect to remain healthy.

Too often avoidance, compromise, and—for sure—accommodation rewards unhealthy behaviors.

Collaboration rewards healthy behaviors and values: compassion, openness, respect, excellence. Collaboration allows each participant to “take the risk” of speaking the truth in love and allows each participant the privilege and opportunity to listen and learn from others.

Too often in today’s world and way too often in today’s churches the ultimate goal of conflict is to win. This is not the way it ought to be. I have personally seen—not here, hardly ever, for which I rejoice!—but I have seen it elsewhere, and it is sad and heartbreaking and damaging to the body of Christ.

In the church—the body of Christ comprised of sinners saved by grace, sick souls healed by Christ, imperfect people striving to grow into the transformation of Christ’s resurrection— In the church the goal of conflict is not winning; the goal of conflict is to transform disagreements into opportunities for greater and deeper understanding, opportunities to enter into sincere prayer and discernment together, opportunities to hear the Spirit!